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    She Turns 5 Today.

    Written by Matt Olthoff
    Wednesday, 02 February 2011 08:29
    10 Comments

    Being a father is not easy.  Having a daughter is even tougher.  She turns five today and already I am telling her she has to stay little forever.  She has experienced her first little crush named Craig at the preschool and already is talking about getting married to him.  I asked where they would live and her reply was, “With you Papa!”  The thought of her getting married nearly sends me into cardiac arrest and I immediately call my friends and remind them of the pledge we made to how we would interview our daughters future boyfriends, together with weapons in the dark night. 

    She is obsessed with Dachshunds and wants to name her the future dog she is never going to get Jezebel (after the female dog in the Marmaduke movie).  Of course her favorite line from that movie is, “Wait for it, wait for it ….”  She has the ability to make you laugh and cry in the same moment. 

    She is the one who loves Sunday school and gets into the car reciting the bible story she just learned.  She is the one who is off looking at flowers during a soccer game.  She is playing soccer because she wants to name her team with the words bedazzled, pink, and in glitter. When asked what kind of bug she would be, she is the one that screams, “A puppy!”  I have tried to explain that a puppy is not a bug but she insists that she wants to be a puppy.

    I love her dearly and would do anything for her.  She spends half of her time her at our home and the other half with her mother.  As a father, protecting those we love is a major way that God has designed us.  I remember a few years ago when I wrestled with the idea of not being able to protect her 50% of time.  God reminded me:  “They are my kids before they were your kids… I will protect, provide and prepare her.”

    Lord, thank you for giving me such an amazing blessing in my daughter.  Thank you for protecting her, thank you for making her who she is.  Lord, I ask that you make all of her dreams come true.  That you provide the perfect husband for her when the time is right.  A husband who fears you and serves you with all their heart.  Lord, I pray that you continue to reveal yourself to Ryen.  Connect her heart to your heart.  I pray that she makes you her Lord and Savior.  Thank you.  Protect her when I am not able.

    In your son’s name… Amen.

    Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

     
    10 Comments
    1. Bianca
      February 2, 2011 at 8:50 am

      You’re a great dad. I’m so proud of you.

    2. Cindy
      February 2, 2011 at 9:28 am

      You are a great dad, and I know it isn’t easy – especially when limited to 50%, but you do a great job 100% of the time. Happy Birthday Ryen!

    3. annie
      February 2, 2011 at 9:28 am

      {sigh} what a GREAT Daddy you are and what a GREAT blessing this child is!! Congrats!

    4. patricia
      February 2, 2011 at 10:33 am

      beautiful post. happy birthday to your princess.

    5. Jeanette
      February 2, 2011 at 4:05 pm

      Love it!! Beautiful!! happy, happy birthday to your precious gift!!! What a doll!!!!

      -j

    6. Nicole
      February 2, 2011 at 7:53 pm

      Hmmmm…it sort of sounds like you’d do anything for her but buy her a puppy.

    7. sonya
      February 2, 2011 at 11:09 pm

      great prayer. happy birthday princess

    8. Hilda Quintanilla
      February 3, 2011 at 1:48 am

      She is beautiful! Matt. You reminded me of something my dad whispered into my then fiancee as he handed me over to him before our wedding vows. He said, I hand you over my most treasured possession. I guarded and protected her all her life and now I trust you to do the same. One day you will be trusting for the same thing in the man you are now praying for your daughter. Keep praying, my dad’s prayer’s were answered. The Lord blessed me with a God fearing man that brings me much joy and has been a blessing since the first day. Love you Matt. Thank you for praying for my daddy’s current health issue.

    9. Matt Olthoff
      February 3, 2011 at 6:20 am

      Thanks everyone!! She is such a blessing. She was a little under the weather yesterday but insisted we go to Pinkberry for her birthday. Today Bianca and I are taking her to Chuck-E-Cheese… Should be fun!! Love seeing life through a 5 year old… Things are always more amazing and surprising.

    10. N. Gurrola
      February 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm

      Note to self: Pray for a puppy for Ryen…. or a baby brother or sister? Lol! My two yr old walks around with the fly swatter pretending its a dog.. c’mon, get her a puppy.. I got my 2yr old a baby brother :)

    New Year’s Resolutions… 2011

    Written by Matt Olthoff
    Tuesday, 18 January 2011 08:36
    5 Comments

    Bianca and I have had many conversations about the future since getting married in September.  I think it is totally natural to dream about life together.  She is a dreamer and, well, I am more of a realist.  Of course, this always causes conflict between the two of us in a beautiful sort of way.  Through this process I realized that I need to dream more, and of course, Bianca realized the reality of making dreams happen.  It is this beautiful tension between the both of us… as we are better together than apart.

    That gets to looking at 2011.  We all make these resolutions about how our life will be different.  But in reality how many do we really keep?  And more importantly, do we really care if we keep them?  And do we really understand what it would take to implement these dreams, goals and resolutions?  Are we even willing to make the radical changes needed to sustain the dream? 

    As we sat at Starbucks mapping out our dreams for 2011, my wife stated that here goal was, “to connect with God in a more intimate way.”  This is beautiful and many of us would love to see that happen in our lives.  In true bubble popping fashion, as I so often do, I asked her what that looked like.  I didn’t stop with that question, I added when you look back at 2011 how are you going to know if that goal was accomplished.  I know, I pop bubbles and I am all about efficiency and practicality.  It is the German in me.

    I am not into resolutions.  I want to understand what God wants me to do and be.  When I have a sense of what that is, everything I do and how I choose to live life in the coming month’s filters through that.  It is the one thing that I must do or be in 2011.  My question for you is what is the one thing you feel God telling you that you must do or be in 2011?  Whatever that is… hold on to, come back to it, filter life and decisions through this one thing.

     
    5 Comments
    2. Dede
      January 18, 2011 at 10:11 am

      Hi Matt!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I am a fervent reader of your blog and your wife’s.First thank you guys so much for being great encouragers and passionate people of God. Because of you and Bianca I have grown closer to God in the last couple of months than I have in 12 years of being a christian. Your blogs inspire me and makes me want to be more for God.

      Well, I can totally relate with you on your post! No resolutions for me this year because they have been the same resolutions for the past 5 years or so (See,I havent kept them or cared about keeping them).
      Like Bianca, my most important focus in 2011 is to be more intimate with God. Everytime I think I am at a place where I know him, he shows me something that astounds me everytime. I love that there’s no end to knowing God :)

      Being more intimate with God is definitely going to give me clarity about where God wants me to be, how to get there and what I need to do. For me, I think this is where the resolutions come in and all the goals and aspirations are met. The bible says it anways “Seek the Kingdom of God and all these things…..”

      Much Love!
      Dede

    3. patricia
      January 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

      He is asking me to “believe” (my #oneword2011 via gritandglory). my slogan for this year: “God said it, that settles it, i believe it”. 18 days into 2011 and God has already been working on my heart regarding this Word in regard to believing what His Word says about provision, about choosing joy in the midst of hard times, about living by faith and not by sight. i should’ve chosen an easy word… =]

      excited for all God has in store for you and bianca. you guys are quite the powerhouse couple

    4. sonya
      January 18, 2011 at 11:16 am

      HA! this made me crack up! i am a TOTAL realist, and my husband is a DREAMER. annoying. but without him dreaming i wouldn’t have so much belief in myself.

      i feel like god wants me to be more intimate with him. ALL IN. it’s really ME who determines the level of intimacy in my relationship with the Lord. i want to draw near to him so he will draw near to me.

      i forgot to mention to you that i talked about your blog on my blog…there was some great advice given in the comments, if your insterested…http://www.ohanafootprints.com/2010/11/i-love-when-bloggers.html

    5. Matt Olthoff
      January 18, 2011 at 1:00 pm

      Dede, Patricia, Sonya… Thanks you all for the comments. So much fun to see what God is doing in people’s life. We are never left the same but God is always moving, shaping and guiding us into who he wants us to be. My phrase for 2011 is no more hiding.

      Sonya – thanks for the link out! These are great comments… relatinships are always interesting.

      Blessings.

    It is a New Year

    Written by Matt Olthoff
    Wednesday, 12 January 2011 08:35
    5 Comments

    Wow!  It is almost the middle of January.  2011 has started and 2010 is in the books, so they say.  We all make New Year’s resolutions about being better people and to quit the bad habits that we have developed.  How many of us really keep them?  Over the last few years, I have developed this practice of looking back at the year based on the goals I had and the themes that I saw God developing throughout the year. 

    It has been amazing.  There is something about being able to see your thoughts, dreams, goals and ideas of what you thought God might do during that year and looking back to see that God had actually been a part of making those things happen.  Of course, it is often not in the way in which we had thought.  It is because of this practice that I love the start of a new year! It is a time to see all that God has done in your life and dream about what he might have in store for you in the future.

    I thought I would share the three parts of this practice with you.  (If you are still reading. J) I know it has been awhile since I have updated the blog and it is on my list of goals for 2011, so you have my permission to hold me accountable for weekly posts!

    Step one.  Look back at all that God has done in 2010.  Here are a few questions that will get you thinking about how God impacted your life in the last year:

    Where did you surrender?

    Where did God surprise you?

    How where you refined and tested?

    Where were you stubborn and prideful?

    How did God bless you?

    How did God renew you?

    How did God use you/your gifts?

    What did he call you to do/be?

    What verse, story or character summarizes your journey in 2010?

    For me, 2010 was a year of denouement.  What is that you may ask?  Here is a clip from Dan Allendar’s book, To Be Told:

     A denouement is not a complete or fully resolved ending but a satisfying closure to a story.  It means in French “an untying, a relaxing of a knot of complexity.”  Denouement is the rest that comes when all the disparate plot lines of a story, gnarled and taut, have been untied and an order had come about that brings a new moment of shalom.

     Tragedy mars shalom, but denouement invites us to remember our innocence and dream of a day of even greater redemption.  Denouement is an ending that serves as the prelude for a new beginning; there is always the next turn in the road.  One of our greatest failures in our busy, driven culture is that we don’t celebrate the temporary untying of a complex narrative.  We don’t allow endings to be noted, let alone celebrated.  Therefore we never allow denouement to invigorate the upward movement of a new story.  And we will only love our story to the degree that we see the glory that seeps through our most significant shattering.  To see that glory, we must enter into and read our tragedies with confidence that they will end better than we could ever imagine.

    In the beginning of 2010, I was still facing many challenges with being divorced and custody battles.  My life was in the final chapters of chaos.  As that story seemly passed I had the opportunity to begin a life with one of the most amazing people I know, my wife.  It was a year of redemption… I’m realizing God is who he says he is.  In his timing, 2010 was a year of denouement.

    Take time to walk through the remembering of all that God did in 2010 and who he is creating you to be.  Tomorrow I will share step two:  Looking forward to 2011.

     
    5 Comments
    1. Jeanette
      January 12, 2011 at 8:50 am

      Great post with great questions to wrestle through! God bless you, BB & the kiddos this 2011. -j

    2. Wife
      January 12, 2011 at 9:08 am

      Your were my best decision. I love you.

    3. N. Gurrola
      January 12, 2011 at 9:29 am

      Great thought provoking questions… as I read through them the first thing that came to my mind is my marriage. I surrendered my marriage to God when I had decided to leave my husband. God surprised me my having me fall in love with him more and more. I am still stubborn and prideful at times. But to be completely honest.. I find my life simpler and more content when I surrender to my husband’s authority (unto Christ of course). I am so blessed to have such a devoted, hard working husband. The best part? Sometimes he’s so tired he falls asleep and doesn’t pray over our babies but no matter what time of night it is.. once he realizes he fell asleep, he gets up and prays over them and over me.. Once I almost socked him when he was standing over me praying.. I woke up thinking he was a stranger and I went on ninja mode.. haha

    4. Matt Olthoff
      January 18, 2011 at 1:01 pm

      Jeanette… Thank you! How are you all doing?

    5. Matt Olthoff
      January 18, 2011 at 1:02 pm

      N. Gurrola… Such an awesome story!!! Thanks for sharing.

    Looking Back… What I have Learned.

    Written by Matt Olthoff
    Wednesday, 24 November 2010 08:31
    No Comments

    Last week, I received a piece of the fortress of solitude, a staff award recognizing five years on staff at Mariners.  To be honest, it seems like 10 years.  I am incredibly grateful that I have had this opportunity.  I look at who I was five years ago and who I am today and it’s a drastic change.

    I have two kids; I have been divorced and remarried; I have held four different positions within Mariners and I have travelled to more places than I ever dreamed of! Kenya, China, India, Viet Nam, Thailand, Egypt, Uganda, South Africa, Peru, Mexico, Haiti, Sri Lanka, Costa Rica and New Orleans immediately following the aftermath of hurricane Katrina.  It has truly been an adventure! 

    In reflecting on those years in ministry I thought I would share 5 things I have learned:

    • Cultural context.  We all see life through what I would refer to as our lens.  Our lens is made up of experiences, where we grew up, how we were raised, our education, and values that we live by placed on us by our society.  There are similarities but all of us see the world around us through our lens.  We are all unique.  There are massive learnings in understanding people’s lens in which they see life, especially as we live in a multicultural reality, including how we experience the Gospel. 

     

    • Grace and restoration.  The reality is we are all broken.  We all wrestle with issues that have affected us in childhood, experiences that have labeled and scarred us, betrayal and pain.  None of us have escaped this throughout life.  The Church is meant to be a place of grace, truth and restoration.  A place where our brokenness is shared and healed.

     

    • Relationship is more important than task.  We are often defined but what we accomplish in life.  Getting things done and performance was how I derived my self-worth.  I was, in essence, what I could accomplish.  In the midst of this I lost sight of the value of community.  I lost sight of our individual stories of redemption and restoration… this is our identity.

     

    • Life change.  Most of us our not self-aware.  We don’t stop to trace God’s hand upon our lives and how he has provided, prepared, protected and guided us into a more intimate relationship with him.  This is life change.  We are designed for something more.  As a result of who God is and what he has done for us, how will our lives be different?  How will we choose to live differently?  This is life change and God is creating defining moments all around us for us to embrace the journey to be more and more like him.  We often just miss it or avoid it.

     

    • We are in a spiritual battle.  Ministry is a spiritual battle with causalities, wounds, strategies and victories.  We often move forward beaten, tired, discouraged… we burn out.  It is only when you recognized the weight of what is at stake that you realize the battle that is taking place.  If you know you are going to war, you think and live in a certain way.  This is how we need to live and think in the midst of ministry.  Let’s call it what it is… war.
     

    Does Marriage Make You Happy?

    Written by Matt Olthoff
    Tuesday, 16 November 2010 10:49
    10 Comments

    On Sunday night, five couples gathered in our home for dinner and the start of a small group on the ever-elusive topic of marriage. We are reading a book called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It was a night filled with laughter, honesty, excitement, humility, community and vulnerability as we all shared our stories and different backgrounds coming into marriage. We truly are from all walks of life.

    The sub-title of the book is: What is God designed marriage to make us Holy more than to make us happy? In a sarcastic way, most of the guys were giving high fives that we no longer had to worry about making our wives happy! How wrong we are… but how funny it was!

    Now I am not going to share deep, dark secrets of the group, which would betray the very nature of the community of the group. What I do want to share is some observations about marriage and couples:

    • Four out of the five couples had one of the spouses experiencing divorce. It is an increasing reality for those of you dating and trying to do marriage.
    • Marriage is bittersweet. It is one of the most enjoyable things you can enter into and yet at the same time can be one of the most painful.
    • When problems develop, most of us choose to isolate versus find community. We think or are embarrassed that we are the only ones having problems.
    • All of us were longing for community in which we could be loved for who we are with are mistake filled pasts.
    • We are all broken. We all have issues and we all have made mistakes. We come into relationships with wounds (some healed with scars and others that have never healed). This is the lens in which we see life and do marriage.

    It is this last observation that takes the most unpacking for us all. We come into relationships with wounds, unspoken expectations, and imagery of all our needs being met by our spouse. When this doesn’t happen there is hurt, disappointment, tension and conflict.

    Recently, a friend of mine left his wife and two kids for another woman. His wife is devastated and most of the people in his life, including his wife were completely blindsided. Bianca and I spent some time talking about why this happens… and how it could to happen to us.

    The reality is no one gets married thinking that they are going to leave their spouse for another woman or have an affair. It is unchecked brokenness and unspoken expectations that cause us to long for something that is not being met by our spouse. Only God, our heavenly father, can completely fulfill our desires and needs.

    I am not sure where you are at but I want to challenge you to think about your brokenness. We are all broken in our own way. If you are in a relationship, how does your brokenness affect your relationship with your spouse? If you are not, ask God to search your heart for the places that are wounded and scared by the past.

    Marriage is designed to be lived out in community not in isolation; it’s an act to make us holy above being happy.

     
    10 Comments
    1. Jeanette
      November 16, 2010 at 11:14 am

      Great post Matt!! :) 8 years into marriage and I couldn’t agree more – Marraige IS supposed to make us more holy not happy! I believe it should be gospel centered, causing constant repentance and growing to be more like Christ – Holy. Yikes – super tough but super rewarding. Anyways, again great post!

      -j

    2. Mrs. Olthoff
      November 16, 2010 at 11:29 am

      Well, I prefer romance to holiness! Buuuuuut since you’re right, maybe I’ll be able to find a happy medium of asking for forgiveness over a candle-lit dinner and red roses. ;)

    3. Hilda
      November 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

      Great book. Went through that study with Mike MacIntosh.

    4. dad and mom
      November 17, 2010 at 8:04 pm

      Great insight. Have the book.also wrote sacred pathways

    5. n. gurrola
      November 18, 2010 at 3:04 pm

      “Marriage is supposed be lived out in a community” Please expound a bit.. at the present time my husband and I are praying to find a couple to be accountable to. The couples at our church have known each other for many years and its not easy being the newbies at church :)
      Great insight by the way

    6. Matt Olthoff
      November 19, 2010 at 5:03 am

      Bianca… Hmmm. Maybe I will have to take you up on that offer :)

    8. Matt Olthoff
      November 19, 2010 at 5:08 am

      N. Gurrola:

      The opposite of that would be living in isolation. Which is very dangerous. I think it looks different for different people but the idea is not doing life alone and isolated. How do you find other couples to share the realities of marriage with and to go through life together. Bianca and i just connect with 4 other couples that are from different parts of our life to start a group going through the book… So they dont all have to come from the same church. I hope that makes sense.

    9. Anneliese
      November 19, 2010 at 11:29 am

      Great post Matt! I’m a long time follower of you and your lovely wife and am beyond blessed by what you both share with the world :) This is a really awesome post, so real!! But what hits home for me is the story of your friend leaving his family. Unfortunately this hits home for me big time! My dad left us years ago for my mom to raise 3 kids on our own..now that we are ALL older, (Me being the youngest, 21 yrs old) he is involved in a relationship with a woman who has…FIVE kids..yes FIVE who are all under the age of 12. Though a part of me has bitterness towards him for leaving my mom, brothers and me, I feel bad. How can someone possibly leave an amazing GODLY wife, 3 kids(I was about 13 when he left) only to live a life full of drugs, alcohol, women and to end up changing diapers and teaching ABC’s all over again. My heart breaks for your friends wife and children, and to your friend as well. Unfortunately, some people never realize how much the choices they make WILL affect those around you :(

    10. Elizabeth
      February 2, 2011 at 9:40 am

      Ryen and I have the same birthday. Happy birthday beautiful Ryen!!!! Matt, this blog had me laughing and in tears mostly. I pray that my father can be a father like you….I am so thankful that we have out Heavenly Father. Blessings!!!!

    She Turns 5 Today.

    Being a father is not easy.  Having a daughter is even tougher.  She turns five today and already I am telling her she has to stay little forever.  She has experienced her first little crush named Craig at the preschool and already is talking about getting married to him.  I asked where they would live [...]

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